Time's slowly passing...

So, according to my "Doughnut of Misery" I'm 17.4% through this deployment. In some ways, it feels like he's been gone a lot longer than that, and yet in some ways, it feels like he's only been gone a week. He's got just over a year left in and he's already planning on what's going to happen when that year is up. I have my good days and my bad days. I thank God for my friends, though. My friends Amanda, are always there for me. My next door neighbor, Amanda, calls me periodically to check on me, more often when she knows I'm having a bad day. My BFF out here, also named Amanda, is always with me. If she's not at my house with me, we're over at her house. We've started a routine where I will keep her kids on Friday night, and she will keep mine on Saturday night, just to each have a little bit of a break. Even if we're not together, we're texting each other, or playing on Pogo games together. It's awesome. She won't let me get too depressed, and she does whatever she can to cheer me up or help me if I need it. Anyway, that's just a small update on me, if anyone cares.

I did

I dropped out of my classes for now. I'm not as strong as people give me credit for. I'm having a really tough time and it's only been a week since this deployment started. I have no interest in even getting up off of my couch. I force myself to do things for my kids, but couldn't force myself to make up my school work, I suck. I hope that I can go back when my kids start back to school after summer vacation.

Well...

He's gone. My husband left on his third deployment yesterday. I'm doing alright with it, so far, and I've only cried twice. I cried when I had to leave him on base and I cried when he called to tell me that he was about to get on the plane. Today I need to clean my house and catch up on my school work. The last few days before he left, I did NOTHING except spend time with him. I don't know if anyone even reads this, except my professor, but I wanted to let everyone know what was going on with me, and why I wasn't in class on Monday night.

Two in one day

So, my first love committed suicide a few years ago. I was already married with two children, but it still hurt me really bad. It still hurts. We were friends when we were broken up. We were broken up more than we were together. I moved away without telling him, thinking that it was better for my heart. I always knew that somehow, sometime, someway, he would be back in my life. Then I found out that he died, he was still in South Carolina and I was in California. I wasn't able to go home for the funeral and I still have a hard time believing that he's not in this world anymore. I don't think about him as much as I used to, but his birthday would have been a few days ago. Anyway, I keep up with www.postsecret.com It's where strangers send in secrets via postcard and they're posted new every Sunday. I go there this morning and there is a card there that says "You think I'm dead. It breaks my heart. But it's for your own good." That's wierd. I know that there is no way in hell that it's him, but someone out there is missing someone for no good reason, and it breaks my heart for them. RIP Joe.

Out of my shell

I've discovered something about myself. I'm not as shy as I once thought I was. I've always had some good friends, but I've got more good friends here than I've ever had. I was picked on a lot when I was in school, and I've pretty much always been a loner. But here, I've got friends that my husband and I hang out with every weekend. Most of them are our neighbors. I was told yesterday by some of them that they love having cool neighbors like us. We had a block party and I went around talking to everyone. Afterwards, we were doing our usual Saturday night, in front of the fire, with a few drinks. Just chilling out and having a good time. I've got one of the ladies as one of my facebook friends, and her husband found out and he fussed at me for not sending him a friend request! I'm not used to this, I'm not used to be treated this way and I LOVE it and could get used to it. I know that when my husband deploys, I won't be lonely. I have people here that will keep me company and will be here for me if I need them. I love having all these friends. It makes me feel like the popular girl that I always wanted to be! I can be me and still be loved for it!!!

This is going to be a long day! I have so much to do, that it's not even funny. I have schoolwork that needs to be done, it's all due tonight, and I haven't done any of it. In my defense though, I have been spending all the time that I can with my husband before he leaves. My house is in desperate need of cleaning, and I just don't know where to start! On a good note, hubby and I get to go out on a date before he leaves! We're going out Friday night, having a block party on Saturday and then hanging out with friends Saturday night. He leaves sometime next week.

Just keeps getting...worse

I'm sitting here, trying to get my work done. I'm looking around my living room and seeing my husband's military gear laying about. He spent most of the day yesterday, going through it and making sure he had everything, as he's packing up for his third deployment. My children and I have chosen to stay here in TX this time. We've done it both ways. For the first one, we went to stay in TN with his family. That was nice and all, and I love my in-laws, but it's much easier to deal with having my own space, as I learned with deployment #2. With that one, I had great friends that I knew I could depend on, if I needed them. I've got that here, as well. Hopefully, I won't need them like that though. As of right now, it doesn't look like it's going to be a full year, as the unit is already over there, but it's still too long. I'm trying to hold it together and not give in to the tears that keep wanting to fall, for my kids' sake. They are starting to stress out over it too, though.